i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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