this must be what syphilis tastes like
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
