i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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