That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
