every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
