He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
bring money and cleavage
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
