Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
