Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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