she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
