You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
