omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
