addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
