i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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