I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
