11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
