I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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