just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
