we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
