I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
