those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
