I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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