my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
