Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
