Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
