Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
