I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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