i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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