I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just had sex bonerless
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
