So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
how does that bad decision feel?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
