I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
