who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
