I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My pussy is not your playground.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
