Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
