I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I lost the right to judge tonight
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
