You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
