Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
