All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
