Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
