No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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