Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
