He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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