i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It's just like the Real World with babies
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
