I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
