i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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