I'm jealous of your bromance
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
