Your face is a jimmy john
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
