i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
