i think my tv is drunk
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
