I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
