Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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