...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
