I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
