Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
not ubering you a puppy
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
